We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
