A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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