I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
