I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
