Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will be naked everywhere
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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