is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
