is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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