Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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