u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
