There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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