yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
