Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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