i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
