and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
