Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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