Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
