I heard we made out
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
