Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
