He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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