HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
