I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
