thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Randomize
