Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My room smells like vodka and shame
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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