Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
