Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
