I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
