just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
