I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
how drunk are you?
Several
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
