ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
