I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
