we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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