Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
