Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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