I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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