the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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