This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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