you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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