What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
