new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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