also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
