He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
