sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
