The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
farters have to be the big spoon...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
