I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
