I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
