Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
