We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
