what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
