K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
