Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
