Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
