Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
